That Way Madness Lies Read online

  SHIPWRECKED

  Inspired by Twelfth Night

  Mark Oshiro

  Oh, time, thou must untangle this, not I.

  It is too hard a knot for me to untie!

  —VIOLA, ACT 2, SCENE 2

  Vi entered the gymnasium through the eastern door.

  They smoothed down the lapels of their red velvet suit. Over and over and over. A nervous reaction born of the cliff that seemed to open at their feet.

  Be you.

  Tell everyone.

  Suffer the consequences.

  The suit fit well. At least they had that. It had been Seb’s idea—their twin, the only person Vi trusted with their truth. He had asked Duke Pennington for help, and Vi was so grateful for Duke, since it was not like Vi had ever done anything like this. Duke was the one with style; he was the one with the knowledge of how to best use clothing to boost one’s confidence; he was also the boy who was attracted to literally anyone and proud of it.

  Seb, Seb … he was supposed to be here already. Vi was terribly nervous, too jittery to look for him.

  They had a plan to enact. But what if everyone confused the two of them for each other? They were twins, after all.

  Seb had assured Vi that they should do what they wanted. “Do you want to wear a suit?”

  “Well, yeah,” they had said. “But what if we look too similar?”

  Seb’s eyes went wide. “Then you need to see Duke,” he said. “If you want to make a statement, then he’s the one to see. And I only want the best for you, sib.”

  So Seb had arranged it.

  (How did he always know the right things to say?)

  But was it still a good idea? Were they jumping out of a plane without a parachute?

  They almost turned around, almost gave in to the certainty of giving up.

  No, Vi, they told themself. You will regret it if you leave.

  They took one more step forward.

  Shit, was this like walking the plank?

  Who the hell came up with having a midwinter dance styled after a shipwreck, anyway?

  Olivia. She’d allowed it in student council. So it was Olivia.

  For Vi, though, it was always Olivia.

  Most of the reason Vi was here was because of Olivia. Not directly, but it was Seb’s love life that got Vi interested in this ridiculous dance in the first place. Seb liked Olivia and, at least according to Antonio, wanted to impress her. Most of this year had been so hard on Seb, so Vi jumped at the chance to make their twin brother happy.

  And apparently, that was by impressing Olivia.

  Vi was never going to tell anyone the truth: Olivia made Vi feel alive. Being around Olivia was like having a personal sun.

  Like finding a hundred dollars in the front pocket of a pair of jeans on laundry day.

  Like an impossibility.

  An impossibility because Olivia rarely seemed aware that Vi was in the same room with her, even though they saw each other once a week. Vi wanted Olivia, but they also wanted Olivia to reciprocate their feelings. It didn’t mean anything if this interest wasn’t mutual. Still, Vi couldn’t stop thinking about her and the desire that ripped through their body. They sometimes craved being romantic and cute with Olivia. All the other stuff didn’t matter; that wasn’t Vi’s thing.

  But Olivia didn’t ever seem to notice the secretary in those student council meetings. Besides, Olivia was for Seb, and the sacrifice would be worth it, if only to make Seb smile again.

  So maybe this was a miscalculation. Maybe now was not the time to do this, to make their first public declaration, their first attempt to be wholly themself.

  But …

  Maybe.

  Maybe it was.

  Maybe Vi had to do something for themself in all of this.

  Maybe this was like walking the plank, except that the plunge wasn’t into a cold, dark, and unforgiving sea.

  Maybe it was a leap into the future.

  To new beginnings, they thought.

  They ran their hands down the lapels of their red velvet suit.

  It was time for Vi to become Vi. And in order to do so, in order to shed who everyone saw them as, they were going to impress the hell out of Olivia.

  For Seb, of course.

  * * *

  Seb entered the gymnasium through the southern door.

  Oh, this is a terrible, terrible idea, he thought. A shipwreck? How is that romantic or entertaining?

  The lights pulsed around him, and the DJ was playing an awful Katy Perry remix. Actually, he wasn’t sure there were any good Katy Perry remixes. Or songs. At all. Yeah, he could do without all of them. Someone should make them … walk the plank? Oh god, was he going to start thinking in terrible ship-related puns?

  He did not like this.

  But Antonio said that attending this cheesy dance was the only way to impress Olivia, and Seb had no reason to distrust Antonio. Antonio, who had pulled him out of the burning remains of the car, who made sure that Seb stayed still on the side of the road, who sat beside him in the ambulance. Antonio, who had stuck by his side through all the physical therapy, who had sacrificed so much of his time to be with Seb when Seb most needed a friend. A best friend.

  And sometimes, best friends set you up on dates with pretty women.

  There was just a tiny problem, one that Seb was still keeping to himself. He had almost confessed it to Vi, moments after Vi had told him all about the whole nonbinary thing. He knew they would be trustworthy, that they would understand, but Seb worried that he would be stealing their spotlight. They had a new name! One that was spelled so damn cool, that was just a single syllable so they could match Seb; one that allowed them to step fully into who they were.

  Seb couldn’t take that moment away from them.

  Thus, this whole absurdity began.

  Antonio stepped up beside him, slightly out of breath, and his best friend looped his arm in his. “Are you doing that thing again?”

  “No!” Seb exclaimed. “I’m enjoying the dance. Bruh. Why are you breathing like that?”

  Antonio ignored his comment. “You’ve been here for a whole sixty seconds, and I bet you’ve already made a bad Katy Perry joke in your head.”

  Seb was going to act scandalized, but Antonio knew him so well. Seb leaned into the cane in his left hand. “It wasn’t that bad,” he said.

  “Was it a pun about ships?”

  Seb scowled. “We truly spend way too much time together.”

  “I don’t know,” said Antonio. “We’re around one another a lot, but it’s not so bad, is it?”

  Oh, Antonio.

  Antonio, who bonded with Seb’s parents by first speaking Spanish then complimenting his abuelo’s cooking.

  Antonio, who researched online for hours to find the right kind of cane to reduce the pain in Seb’s joints.

  Antonio, who once spent the night and slept on the wildly uncomfortable couch for just an hour so he could drive Seb to an early physical therapy session before school.

  And now, Seb’s best friend thought that setting him up with Olivia—who was perfectly fine and perfectly pretty and perfectly not at all his type—would make him happy. Why had he talked about wanting to be Olivia’s friend so much? He truly meant it! But just as a friend. So it was a sweet gesture really, but come on. Wasn’t it obvious? Didn’t Antonio just know?

  He looked to the right. Saw Vi coming in through the doors on that side of the building. They looked so damn sharp, and Seb’s heart was in his throat. Oh, he should have said something to his twin. Vi would have been exactly the right person to tell.

  But this was their moment, and Seb was so proud of that suit.

  “You want to actually go in the dance, Seb?”

  Antonio tugged his arm.

  And his heart.

  And yeah, it was cheesy to think that, but Seb didn’t care. He wanted to be cheesy with Antonio Vasquez.

  * * *

  Olivia entered the gymnasium through the western
door.

  She was immediately and utterly over it all.

  First off, the music was terrible. Olivia believed that Katy Perry had lost the right to produce music after trying to cover Whitney Houston, but apparently the DJ had not gotten the memo. Second: the gymnasium? No one could come up with a better venue? This place smelled. She’d just gotten new box braids in, and she was certain that by the time she got home, they’d stink of unwashed boys’ underwear. The stench was everywhere.

  Great.

  To her left was Mal. Olivia wasn’t sure why Mal came, but could she judge? Here Olivia was, without any interest in dances or her gross classmates hitting on her, still in the school gymnasium. THE. GYM. Mal had gone all out, had rented a tux that was way too expensive for literally any school’s midwinter dance, let alone this travesty. Was someone on the school council a huge fan of Titanic or something? Who in all honesty thought giving a school dance a shipwreck theme was a good thing?

  Yes, Olivia was on the student council, and yes, she had technically approved the idea (mostly to end a meeting that had gone forty-five minutes past the scheduled time), but did they have to go and make something so tacky? Maybe she should have paid more attention during all those meetings.

  Mal bumped into her arm. “I’ll go get us some sparkling apple cider,” he said. He fussed with the big swoop of blond hair he had coiffed up, and every time he did, he messed it up more.

  He darted off, and as soon as he was gone, Olivia’s best friend and council vice president, Maria, leaned in closer. “Olivia, I swear, he is deadweight. He’s like one of those logs you find washed up on the shore. Or something.”

  “I don’t understand your metaphor, but I respect it,” said Olivia, but then she dismissed the comment with a wave. “And I’ve been friends with Mal since elementary school. He’s fine.”

  Maria squinted at her. “Is he, though? He’s basically a … what’s a less genital-specific word for cockblocker?”

  “Maria!” Olivia shouted. “Why you gotta be so nasty?”

  “Am I wrong?” Maria held her hands up. “Has he ever let anyone get close to you since—”

  “Don’t say it.” Olivia already had a finger in Maria’s face. “Don’t say his name.”

  “Okay, okay, I won’t.” Maria shook her head. “It’s been two years, Liv. Surely that’s long enough.”

  “Nope. Seven years.”

  “Seven? Where did you even get that number?”

  “It’s how long I need,” said Olivia. “Seven years, and then I’ll be ready to fall in love again.”

  But even as Olivia said it, she knew that wasn’t true. After he had broken her heart, Olivia had sworn off all potential relationships. Yes, she was still in high school, and yes, she was going to wait. Besides, she wasn’t into the same things her peers were. She was confident sex was not going to be her thing; she just wanted everything else. The romance. The attention. Even kissing!

  So here was a convenient out: seven years of devotion to herself. Then she didn’t have to explain what was actually going on with her.

  Besides, there was not one human being at this “dance” (and she certainly made air quotes in her mind when she thought that word) who could excite her.

  Well. She had to make her appearance as a student council member. Mal would inevitably find his way back to her and spend the rest of the night shooing off anyone who tried to talk to her. A part of her appreciated that, but another … she knew Mal liked her. Like that. But how could she tell him the truth? He would stop being her friend, wouldn’t he?

  Maybe he wasn’t actually a friend if his idea of friendship required sex.

  She thought about that as Maria guided her into the fray. The truth was that she wanted something that felt so cliché, so normal, and yet it was her truth.

  Olivia just wanted to be swept off her feet.

  * * *

  Antonio had entered the gymnasium through the north door.

  He’d scoped out the room immediately. Swept his eyes across to the left.

  Seb, Seb, Seb, where are you?

  Nowhere to be found, apparently.

  Oh, this was not going to go the way Antonio wanted it. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to help Seb! That was second nature to him. But what happened when the nice thing you did for someone else contradicted the nice thing you wanted?

  He watched Olivia come in, surprised that she was here before everyone else he knew. Even though she was student body president, she notoriously hated coming to school functions. It was part of the reason she got elected, after all. And yet there she was with her friends, drifting through the crowd.

  There was Vi, and Antonio waved. No response.

  Where are you, Seb?

  And then the Katy Perry song started playing.

  Antonio had to laugh. If Seb was in the room, Antonio knew exactly what was going through his head. Disgust and annoyance first, and then … boy, Seb really liked coming up with bad puns. Really, really, really bad puns. He’d lay one out then look to you to see if it made sense or was even a little bit funny, and the corners of his eyes would wrinkle up because he was so worried and—

  There. To the south.

  His body betrayed his desires, and Antonio initially rushed his way through the crowd, his nerves racing. But then he froze before Seb could see him, and Antonio was a static thing in the shifting rhythm of the other dancers.

  Damn it, he was doing it again. It was so easy for Antonio to let his fantasy run wild, to ignore that he was so deeply in love with someone who definitely did not reciprocate it. They were just “friends.” It was a boundary that Seb enforced by … well, by mentioning it every chance he got.

  Here’s my friend Antonio, Mom!

  My best friend is taking me to therapy, Papi.

  My best friend is—

  Few things were more crushing: wanting more but being unable to have it. Yet Antonio could not resist. It was like every part of him wanted to help Seb, to do things that made him smile, to show him how much Antonio adored him.

  Because maybe, just maybe, Seb would do the same things for him.

  So here he was, about to set Seb up with one of the most popular people in school. To be seen with Olivia was like being witnessed with royalty. Seb had often mentioned how much he enjoyed Olivia’s style. Her chaotic humor. Her confidence. So, Antonio roped Vi, who at least knew Olivia, into making sure she and Seb met. Sparks would fly, because who didn’t like Sebastián Rojas?

  Antonio cut around the table with apple cider so he could seem to have effortlessly joined Seb, as if he had always been beside him. It was such an inconsequential thing, but the little details mattered so much to Antonio.

  Seb’s suit was dark, a navy blue, while Antonio’s own was a deep green. Both of them chose colors that would pop against their brown skin, and when Antonio curled his arm around Seb’s, he tried to hide the fact that he’d run over here.

  But Seb picked up on it. He was so much more observant than he gave himself credit for.

  Except about the one thing that mattered.

  Antonio had been waiting for Seb to put it all together. The nights spent at his house; the dedication; the loyalty; the way Antonio looked in Seb’s eyes as if eternity could be found there.

  But Seb just smiled, and the two moved out on the dance floor, and Antonio burned with shame.

  It was never going to happen.

  To be in love with someone who did not love you back was the loneliest thing in the whole damn world.

  * * *

  The actors were in place.

  The play began.

  * * *

  It was a complicated dance.

  The looks started immediately. Quick, furtive glances from Vi’s fellow students, then double takes, and then they caught Beau Johnson full-on staring at them, his mouth slightly open, like a door left ajar.

  Vi had to ignore him. They puffed their chest out a little more, smoothed down their lapels, pointed their chin a
bit higher.

  They walked like royalty.

  Through the crowd, past couples moving their hips against one another.

  Through the crowd, ignoring the comments.

  Through the crowd, one destination in mind.

  Olivia.

  Olivia was standing near the chaperone check-in area, and Maria was by her side, wrapped up in something on her phone. So Vi took the opportunity and strolled right up to Olivia.

  Bowed in front of her.

  Extended their hand so she could take it.

  Watched as Olivia gave them a quick glance then a second one that was much longer.

  Then.

  “Seb? Are you … are you asking me to dance?”

  Wait.

  No.

  What?

  Maria’s attention flicked up from her phone. “Sebastián Rojas? Asking Olivia Bellweather to dance?”

  No, no, no.

  This wasn’t supposed to happen.

  And yet …

  There was a thrill. It rose from deep within their belly, sent waves of energy through their body. Vi and Seb had not been mixed up all that often by their peers, yet Vi had been worried this would happen.

  But … no reason to get excited, right? Olivia didn’t like them; she liked Seb.

  (Even if, for the briefest span of time, Vi could imagine that the excitement was for them.)

  “Follow me,” Vi said, taking Olivia’s now outstretched hand. “I have a surprise for you.”

  Olivia’s mouth dropped open. “Oh my god. A surprise? Seb, you are doing way too much.”

  But then she extended her hand.

  Took Vi’s.

  Her friend Maria seemed so pleased. “I don’t know where Mal went, but I’m getting you a drink,” she said and then disappeared.

  And Vi vowed to make this perfect for their brother.

  I’m going to sweep her off her feet.

  And together, they walked toward the other side of the room.

  * * *

  Antonio was on the lookout again, but he found it challenging. Challenging because he just couldn’t stop casting glances at Seb. (Who allowed such a jawline to exist? And those cheekbones? Rude, he thought. Absolutely rude.)